Tips on Communicating with Your Spouse During Divorce

No one ever enters a marriage with divorce in mind for their future, but this is the unfortunate outcome for many. If poor communication was to blame for your marriage's dissolution, you can expect that it might suffer eve more during the divorce process. Both you and your spouse are likely experiencing a lot of emotions, heartbreak, disappointment, and anger, which might all obstruct your abilities to effectively communicate about the important issues in your divorce. This can lead to yelling, name-calling, or even withholding pertinent information, which are all unhelpful and might only prolong and complicate the divorce process.

The problem is that many couples often view their break-up as a war and treat the other as an enemy they need to thwart and ultimately defeat. This way of thinking, however, actually prevents both spouses from getting what they want and moving forward with their lives. To prevent these obstacles in communication, both you and your spouse should use the following tips to help facilitate a smoother divorce.

Set some boundaries: Given the level of familiarity and intimacy that exists between you and your spouse, it is easy to cross some lines you never should go near, sometimes without even knowing it. Set some boundaries by determining how often you plan to communicate with one another and in what method. If it is too upsetting to speak in person, perhaps the phone or email is best. If you or your spouse communicates too often throughout the day, sending 4 or 5 emails, or calling repeatedly, establish a limit for how often you want to communicate. Doing this from the get-go will set expectations that allow everyone to stay on the same page.
Focus on the issues: Many of us know that divorce can be messy and get ugly, especially when it comes to dividing assets or making decisions regarding child custody. You might both lose your tempers and, with it, lose sight of what you are fighting over. Instead of losing yourself in anger, remember to remain focused on the issues at hand and do not bring other grievances into the mix.
Watch your tone: Again, it is tempting to raise your voice or even lay it on thick with the sarcasm, but you and your spouse should refrain from using such adversarial tones on one another. Speak to one another as you would wish to be spoken to and keep in mind that, even in retaliation, these tones have no place in a real discussion. Do not allow a situation to escalate by partaking in this kind of behavior. By remaining respectful of one another, you open the door for effective communication that leads to fewer hurt feelings and more satisfying compromises.
Consider using a mediator: Using the services of a skilled mediator is one of the best steps you can possibly take toward ending your marriage with as little pain as possible. He or she will be able to offer the guidance and support necessary for both parties. As a non-biased third party, a mediator will listen to each spouse's side of the story and, if you or your spouse do happen to slip up on communication skills, you will both be reminded to maintain respect. No one is perfect and this is a difficult time, so having a mediator who will ensure the process does not veer off track will help you both reach your goals sooner and keep your divorce out of litigation.

Katy Divorce Attorneys

As you enter a new reality of a life apart from your spouse, tensions and frustrations might begin to rise, which can escalate the situation and the cost of the process. You deserve to work with a compassionate legal advocate who has the efficiency and sensitivity to guide you through your divorce, helping you craft individualized solutions for you and your family to successfully transition into this new and stronger chapter in life. At The Springer Law Firm, PLLC, our lead Katy divorce and family law attorney, Sarah Springer, has over 35 years of trial-tested experience and has served as a judge and family law mediator.

Whether your case is amicable or rife with contention and anger, our legal team is here to navigate you through each step of the process and answer any questions you might have along the way. We also have the qualifications and insight necessary to help you settle your divorce through mediation, but are prepared to go to trial if need be.